“Marriage is easy!” says the newlywed couple who have yet to face one of life’s anticipated or unanticipated trials. Oh, the wake up call that follows when the first challenge hits! It’s then that we find whether a couple will thrive, survive or divide under the pressures of hardship, loss, confrontation or one of life’s little emergencies. This, my sisters, is where we find out what kind of wife we are when the unexpected happens and we face the big question: will I stand by my man?
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4
Many women simply do not understand how very important our support means to our husbands. With just a word or a look, we can either bring them honor or shame. We can win their trust or lose it. We can build them up or tear them down. This holds especially true in times of testing or trouble. Knowing they we will be there to stand by our men in loud and clear support, as their number one support system, is of monumental value. A wife who supports her husband is an excellent wife and an excellent wife is a crown to him, as Proverbs 12 says.
“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:11-12
“Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” Proverbs 31:23
In our home, we recently had an unfortunate opportunity to test this concept.
My husband and I were involved in a situation where we had to meet with a person we greatly respect spiritually and love as a friend, but the meeting was not pleasant. It was in fact something of a confrontation. My husband was quite deflated and hurt by the whole situation, though that was not the intention of our dear friend. In those moments, I had the opportunity to support my husband, remain neutral or come against him.
Being that this person bringing the confrontation was someone we greatly respect, it would have been easy for me to remain neutral in the matter, keeping my mouth shut and my eyes firmly planted on the floor. It might have been tempting to nod in agreement with this spiritual mentor and, by doing so, side with him instead of my husband. Yet the Holy Spirit confirmed in my heart that my place was beside my man, supporting him in word and in deed. This showed my husband that he could trust me, count on me, that I was proud of him, and that he could fall into my arms for rejuvenation later.
A few days later, I woke up to find a precious love note in which my husband thanked me for my support and love through this trial. His heart cherished me for my devotion, and my heart overflowed with joy that the Lord’s Word is true indeed. I was a crown to my husband that day. Though I fail at times (more often than I’d like to admit), I pray that I am a crown to him more often than a shame.
Do I Support My Husband if He’s Wrong?
That’s an excellent question. The answer is one that is dependent on another question…will issuing support put you in a place of approving of or taking part in sin? In other words, is your husband asking you to commit sin or to accept sin in order to grant support? If the answer is yes, then you need to pray about God would have you proceed. Just remember that there is a difference between being “wrong” and being in “sin”.
Can you and should you support your husband if he’s wrong?
One thing I learned early in my marriage is that it’s okay for your husband to be wrong. It’s okay for you to submit to his leadership and offer support even when he’s making bad choices. For example, your husband decides he’d like to start a business during a recession. Watching many other businesses fail, you are fairly sure this business is not a good idea, but your husband is confident about it. Should you dig your heels in and hold your ground?
No, you should support your man and trust God with the rest. If that business fails later, God will take care of you. Do you give your husband the “I told you so” lecture? No. You offer grace, support and work on rebuilding his confidence. He will cherish you all the more, and may have learned something in the process. The question is, do you trust God enough to allow your husband to be wrong? Ponder that one.
Supporting your husband doesn’t mean you tolerate or participate in any sin in his life. In other words, if your husband struggles with pornography addictions, support doesn’t mean you run to the store to get him another “magazine”. Support means you do everything in your power to (without preaching at him)
show him that the love of a supportive wife is better than any lust this world has to offer. You satisfy him physically
and you build him up whenever you can. You show him through grace, love and support that God loves him. You support him in prayer. You do not nag or usurp spiritual domination. You do not participate in sin but you do not crucify him every time he falls. That is support. For more about this issue, take a look at my blog “When Your Husband is in Sin”
“When you’re standing at the crossroads
and don’t know which path to choose
, let me come along
’cause even if you’re wrong I’ll stand by you, I’ll stand by you.
Won’t let nobody hurt you.
I’ll stand by you. Take me into your darkest hour
and I’ll never desert you.
I’ll stand by you.”
Love this song by the Pretenders! Does your husband know that you’ll stand by him? That you’ll never desert him, even in his darkest hours? I hope so. I hope my husband knows that and I’m going to spend my life proving it to him. I’m going to stand by him when no one else does, when it matters the most!